The Greeting Card

As WC Fields paraphrases, “Reminds me of my Safari in Africa. For several days, we had to live on nothing but Food and Water… just because someone forgot the corkscrew.”

Jack had a rough time for a few days in 2 years, when he dared to forget her birthday. James never understood how that reigned as the most important event in a girl’s mind, the fact that a man must remember some important days. And some could include her birthday, wedding day, and the day when your mother-in-law grew the wisdom tooth, the puppy day, Winnie the pooh day, Winnie’s t-shirt’s first laundry day, first date, last date and all dates in between. Standing in the greetings card shop, James had the thoughts whirling in his head.

Jack and James started out as college mates. And this was the eighth year of their friendship. Jack was looking annoyed, since a scan for forty minutes hardly yielded a card, even close to something he was looking for. And James’ mockery was pissing him off. “Boss, the day you tie the knot, all these will boomerang on you”, said Jack in a frowning tone. James balked, shrugged and gave his characteristic smile. The smile was absolutely reminiscent of a magician who will take care of such instances without any hassles. Jack knew that James had joined the elite band of once optimistic men, who thought they would retain control of their lives even after finding the institution. Jack was one of them.

James was staring at a particular section of cards for a long time. He noticed that, at this pace, Jack would end up selecting a card the next day.

“You aren’t getting anywhere, quarry man.” said James on his friend’s diligence. “All you will end up with is a set of blank cards with varied designs”. “And why would the card companies do that?” asked Jack.

“Because they don’t have any more phrases and sweet candy words for relationships, which have grown complicated over the years. It is almost like playing cupid has deprived them of half their employee base, who don’t know what to think more. They may probably give up on text and leave it to the grabber.” “Give us the bucks, take the designed paper and you write what you want. We give up.”

Finally James plucked out a couple of random cards and handed it to Jack. “Just get on with it. Hand picking isn’t taking us far, snail boy. And these have all the things that would get out a ‘So cute….’ from a girl.” Jack went through both of them, gave a wry smile for one of them and snapped the other back to James. Jack then pretended to browse through some more cards, and finally decided to start moving to the checkout counter.

At that time, Jack got a ring on his cell, and just answered to her that he would be late from work. Not wanting her to know, what he was up to. James grabbed the souvenirs and asked Jack to meet him outside. James finished the card work with his card, and met Jack outside with his racing engine. Jack was wondering why James was looking disinterested all through.

The first page had beautiful Marigold, Lily, Daisies and Jasmines spread and accompanied by an angel. The message followed, “Let the most beautiful person in this world with a soul hold the most beautiful thing in this world without a soul. What’s the earth with all its Art, verse, Music, worth- Compared with love found, gained and kept? Happy Birthday, my Angel!” The page also bore a candle-light dinner with a bottle of Guinness. “So cute it is…..” She was overwhelmed at probably 3 things. First that Jack actually remembered the day, and he could actually pretend to hide it and lastly he had the sense to pick up a good card. Jack was happy to see her happy and looked at James on her words. James looked upwards averting Jack.

Jack stepped inside for quickly freshening up. Meanwhile, James was toddling towards her, and she was wondering why he had nothing in his hands. “Good evening, empress”, said James. She knew that the word was his way of addressing her as a ‘Princess’ and ‘Emperor’ or a Dictator put together. “So weren’t you aware of Jack’s pretence?” That was her way of asking why he was empty-handed. “Got that question, senorita”, said James with a glint.

James snapped back a card from behind his shirt, taking her by surprise. It had a picture of a “Glass filled with Guinness”, accompanied by pores using which you could hold the glass. The other side read, “No cakes, no flowers and no angels. Be it Sunshine or Snowfall, I have got just one thing to offer to myself and you on all occasions, the Beer. Happy Birthday!”

She laughed at it, and knew that, that was the last card a girl would like. But the only card, someone like James would pick up. All this while, Jack was standing beside them, observing this. He shook his head, and said “The name is James”. He was always like this. He also knew that, these were the exact two cards that James had plucked out randomly. After all, they were not so random.

She interrupted, “And where is the real Dinner and Guinness pack?” “Tonight”, said Jack.
James picked up his overcoat and left saying, “Have a great time, R&J”. They knew he was always the snappy one-liner guy.