i am pretty happy, to post this scribbling..
this is part of an essay writing event, i participated for CRY Seattle.. the essay is also uploaded on the CRY site as a word doc..
Challenges of living with differently abled children
-By Raja Nadar
6. A.M in Meridith’s home. She is wary. But something drives her on. She wakes up Percy, who suffers from ADHD (Tourette’s). As a mother, if only she could feel for once, how it is to be a normal parent seeing her kid doing normal things. Instead, she sees the kid struggling on a Lego for hours. This mind is heavy with so many thoughts. Why my Child?
9. A.M in Roshini’s palace-sized home. Her kid, wheels around on a chair. She looks outside the window, where the common Locality, boasts of a garden with kids agile, nimble and playful. She gathers her strength and wishes she won’t break one day. “When will my kid be in that garden?”
12 Noon. Jack heads for school, but watches his brother James drooling behind. As much as mentally challenged James is, Jack would have loved for a Comrade. Instead, James is part of a school with ramps. The special school.
5 P.M. 13 year old Ron is wondering if he could ever be a surgeon. Big dream for a schizophrenic. The world tells him, “It is not going to happen”. The world “sycophantically” tells that.
The timings change, the geography changes. But the basic emotions remain the same. Somewhere along the challenges of being associated with these children, lies a gamut of emotions.
There is courage, hope and a drive. With mothers to make a ‘Forrest Gump’ out of their kids. There is the “silent cries” of their fathers. There is the wily happiness and genuine sympathies from the relatives. There is discouragement, despair, hopelessness to the core, from the world. And of course, there is discontent & disinterest when it comes to many.
The problem is that people feel, having a “differently abled” child is like having a “malfunctioning pivot” which drives the cogs of family machine. Anyone and everyone are affected. Life is different, the world looks different. Routines change. There is always that thought which needs to be echoed, “And for Pery, we can….” It is not easy.
First off, there is “Rejection” as the Primary feeling. “Why me?” “What did I do to deserve this?” Then there is “Anger and Frustration.” Our society works in a particular way. No matter how much they convince you, that everything is normal, you know, more of the opposite. Then there is “denial”. Maybe I don’t have the strength to go forward. And then there is “Acceptance”. Maybe this is how my life is going to be. I need to step up and be the one. These are not the 5 stages of “anything” that I am talking about. My cousin sister is “mentally challenged” and I know what her mom when through and goes through.
Immediate family, extended family, there is no end to the impact. It is a breaking feeling to see that one kid sitting alone, in its own world. Breaking, as a Mother, Father, Brother, Sister or anyone attached.
Words can never express the pain, resolve, character and hope that go with the challenges of living with those children. At the same time, words cannot condemn the “giving up” of individuals, the negative attitude, the discrimination mentality and the world showers upon such kids. Sometimes, one of our own abandons us for being different, for no fault of ours. Why don’t they believe that “I” could be a “Beethoven”, “Edison” or “Stephen Hawking?”
The one perspective we always forget is how the child feels. “A child’s mind is like wet cement. Anything that falls on it makes an impression.” And when the child sees “strength”, “belief” and “encouragement”; the making of a prodigy that seed.
7 P.M. and Meridith thinks. “Another day has passed”. 10 P.M and Roshini puts her kid to sleep. 11 PM and James has no idea of the time. And I watch my cousin, repeating the same set of sentences in a jumbled manner, ending with a seizure, which leaves her passed out and her mom in tears. There are challenges, nobody can deny that. The biggest of them is the “breaking of the Human will”.
But we continue. We sustain the will, to revive ourself and then deal with all the social and cultural challenges associated with a “Different” kid. As Thomas Berry, the American Eco-theologian said,
The child awakens to a universe. The mind of a child to the world of meaning. Imagination, to a world of beauty. Emotions, to a world of Intimacy. It takes a universe to make a child in both outer form and inner spirit. It takes a universe to educate a child. A universe to fulfill a child
- Thomas Berry.
Be it challenges of “Discrimination”, “Discouragement”, “Abandonment”, “Inequality”, “Education” or any differentiating evil, it is our vision and dreams, and more importantly our actions, which determine what these kids can become.
So let us be the “universe” who will fulfill every child, “differently abled or not”, we don’t differentiate. Let them achieve the fullest of their potential. Let every mother, Father and Being, rise to the challenges, and make a champion out of every kid.
I know I did my part towards my cousin, and I’ll continue to do toward all kids.
