you, me and they

Time, you keep flowing, i won't say ticking;

Earth, you keep going one sided and dizzy;

Music, you keep up with the notes, dancing;

Words, you prove me dyslexic, n look fuzzy

Faith, why won't you once, step along with me?

Fate, that doesn't mean you always deserted me!

Reason, you do conflict with my utmost desire?

World, your morality and my code is ice n fire.

Honesty, you are a difficult friend of mine,

Prudence, for a reason i am crossed with you;

Hatred, i don't like you in the vicinity;

Humor, you are my defensive shield, affinity.

Ego, he goes, she goes, all go down for you;

Back, to the walls, so why the high head?

Phoney, i make of all different men like you;

Creator, lone strength, everybody will dread.

You, you keep me honest n famous, like no one else does;

Me, just glad, you watch over thoughts actions of mine;

You, you give me a lot of happiness, infinite thoughts;

Me, a mere drop, irrelevant, immaterial in your pattern.

music, me and wendy's

some of these lines are from my collection of personal tid-bits that i jot down when i feel like... these are very random ones..

as usual, they'll be full of ........

this is my 100th post.. not that i am going to scribble something good for a change, or do worse than what i do.. nevertheless, here goes nothing....

"raasaaa! a kiss on the cheeks and the everlasting hug, with ruffled hair.." my grandma, when i visited my native place.. 4-5 yrs old..

"i need more idlis.." me to my mom when i was 5.. "you already had many..now let's get ready else, you'll doze off in the school bus and class.."

to my mom, "he learned the alphabets and numbers in a day.. there is nothing much i do apart from that.. you can put him in first grade straightaway.." one of the few educated people in my old bombay locality. she used to teach alphabets to kids at her place..

"ma, you are not tired, waiting for me for 2 hours, every day..?" me to my mom, when she waited for my 4th grade extra classes, outside the school gate. "i am, but it all goes away when i see you back.. "

"don't feel shy.. don't be scared.. everybody is scared.. they don't show it..it doesn't matter who you are.. no one can make you feel inferior without your consent!" - my 4th grade english teacher..

my 5th grade teacher to me, for the class prefect "you need to carry the responsibility... you need to be smart, leading, accountable and reliable.." "i can't be any of those.. and i don't want to be.."

3 days later, thanks for switching off the mains. i would have died of the electric shock, if left for 2 more seconds." (it was a 5-7 second shock) "its ok.. don't think about all those things.. have an ice cream. here you go." - i forget the age, but remember the choco-bar ice cream..

"if its right, you don't need to explain.. if its wrong, it doesn't matter what you do.. if you are patient, it will wear out most people.. the right will seem wrong n rude to them.. and if you are patient and silent, it will just make them plain angry.." my 8th grade (Shine) english teacher to me.. "who are 'they', in these lines?" i asked..

"keep it simple.. be happy, just like that, on your own first. if you can't be happy by urself, nobody else can make you.. and if you are, nobody can take that away from you ever.. thats pretty much the whole of it.. anything else is just a bonus.. something will keep breaking and will keep breaking you.. don't make a fuss.. try to move on.. if not, go through it, feel better and move on again.. remember that everybody is a mess in this world, some show it, some wont. if u can be clear and simple and happy in ur mind, nothing else matters in life." my 8th grade (Shine) english teacher to me during the school farewell.. "i say this to you, because you are like my son. it doesn't matter what you do in life, but do 2 things.. be happy, always! and spend all your potential on anything you feel like doing, so that you don't regret anything... spend every bit of talent you have, you have no idea what human beings can achieve.." ironically, i have these words scribbled on a piece of paper, which i read time n time again.. and i always came back to food, music, jokes, personal whimsical stuff and my awesome lone time to realize the clarity and simplicity of happiness..

my geography professor after slapping a boy in my class, "naadak mat karna idiot... yeh tumaara baamp kaa ghar nahi hai.. mera classroom hain.." (don't act like an idiot.. this is not your father's house.. its my classroom)

"please keep this confidential.. we noticed some beer cans at the back of the classroom window. do you know, who from your class did this?" my school headmaster to me, during the 10th grade farewell party. "i don't think it was anyone from my class." "you sure, coz we found lots of kingfisher tins." "kingfisher tins! definitely not my class."

"i met with a minor auto-rickshaw accident. it went on top of my toes." class girl to me n sau. "is the rickshaw alright?" me n sau, in unison to her. she didn't talk to us for some time. in our defence, the girl was well built.

to me, "are you a ****ing retard?" "haha... why do u say that?" "who does these things like this?" "this is how it is supposed to be done." "**** you!" "OK." -- this is one of those ones in my graduation years, when i met up with my JC friends.... "loved to see them get pissed over silly stuff.."

"cards, coke, marasim, badlapur, bingo" "goa, midnight buffet, 4 am s, what not".. sau, manish n me..

"how can u sit alone listening to a single song, alone all day? you are a cartoon!" she said. "i cannot do that, who told you that?"

"be serious.. i am not joking, and this is no time for it!" she said. "sorry.. though i am not laughing, i am amused.."

"you need to speak up. people may misunderstand you silence, and take it for rudeness." a friend to me. "i don't care!" "naa.. thats wrong. people who care about you will feel bad. and not many people understand it." "you think?." "of course, you need to change."

"as much affectionate and all.. you are also very reticent sometimes.. but when you interact, do you find all the girls attractive?" she asked.. i tried to evade as usual, "i find girls very amusing and whimsical". she, taking offence, "what do you mean, amusing and whimsical? that is chauvinistic." she went on for 5 mins.. i said, "i find them amusing because they behave strangely.. and whimsical because, their plain actions have very deep meanings, and a very deep action may have a plain meaning.." "that is ridiculous and you're a jerk.."

dude, you haven't been sad for more than 2 minutes.. so why now? take a shower, put on some fabulous music, grace it with your factory-machine voice, and go blank again! attaboy! - fellow in the mirror

"you seem to be very silent. you don't talk much.." shibbu to me, in march 2007.. when i had just flown to US.. "just homesick." i said.. "don't worry, it will go away soon." she said.. "mm.. thanks!"

"chill maar! thanda le... aur thoda chup baitega" (chill dude, relax n will u shut up a little..)

"no dude, thats not how you write an email.. look at this.." dd on professional emails and lots of things..

"raavan hai woh! saala bakasoor", he said... "full to.." me n my very nice friend (roomie now), on our bus/walks back home from work, when we made fun of pretty much anyone and everything.

"music, writing, comedy, lone time, vanity and food give me great pleasure." i said. "vanity and lone time?" she asked. "yes, why?"

"aah.. there's the smile..sweet! not a big deal, but feels awesome.." always the voice, when my mom, dad, sister, brother, friends.. smile...

and there are always the special diary notes... home, those.. music, me, food, wendy's... n cafes..

shadows

i stand behind,

i like when stalwarts pass by me,

they take the crowd with;

don't even run the rudeness by me.

i drop my head, staring at my nails;

fidgeting away; feverish for a reason,

i look to the left, as a flock of winners sail;

i look to the right, a flurry of them rail.

i stand aside, as they bulldoze forward,

look into their eyes, the shades hide the mess;

i look away; they pretend to have the strength,

they move forward falsely, i stroll back.

i sit on a concrete quadrangle around me,

they buzz around. oh! the commotion;

they cruise forward, one after the other;

until theres just the echo, quadrangle and me.

it grows like a shadow, the feeling on me;

and i look to the coin, it never flips on me;

heads a smile, tail a couple, move on with many;

for no race, no shadows, no speed stays forward on.

in shadows, i retreat with disinterest as it seems,

in shadows, i settle when i see them poignant;

in shadows i lie, not an explanation or for words;

in shadows, i see the brightness.. plain blind.

i stand behind,

i like watching them go one by one,

a circle it dishes out, i stand still, usual, no word

i stand behind, as i watch the shadows just grow and grow.

photo finish

Lens i adjust, the horizon and the aura,
Orange crown, blue bed, green shore, the flora;
The dust swirls, cougars and tigers pounce,
Battle live, tree-top. Shoot a click, don't flinch.

Violet rings, nothing Amsterdam, Waves and Circles,
Daffodils and all-flowers, sweet small, shutter clicks;
Sliding life, Vapor’s grip, Ice rock, Glacier’s view,
Reflecting up the green life, blue sky, ice-cold view.

Broken shards, molting land, rising flames of Canopy,
Flowing anger, blazing red, the red river so curvy;
Blasting radius, walking on Fire, carpet of King Cano;
Crimson shades, hottest snaps; rising of Torching-Uno.

Paris ground, blinding lights; Crystal-litted fountains,
Pattern sweet, laser colors, the forcing crush of waters;
Dark night, fire-works screaming, as the Porsches fly,
Towering monuments, flowing liquid, a flash for a plaza.

No gravity, aerial stunner, prettiest of the bluish Earth;
Planetary friends, cosmic relatives, rings and the blackness;
Stars firing, azure flames, like a match catching on distant,
Dotted bodies, oceanic turmoil, a flash of awesomeness.

Glowing skin, memoirs of that Fragrance, and more of these,
I choose to ignore, opposite spectrum of many of these;
Once for pure glee, I just look at the pleasing of the sea;
Lavish pixels, Selfish looks, Lavish again in every Picture.

Beautiful Frames, Prisoned in a Portrait, textures galore;
Coalescing waxes, Sweat Drops and emitting colors;
Like a Damsel, tender visual, Pleasing to the eyes;
In seek of ‘All Beautiful Elements’, travel me and my lens.

the tired smile

standing on the wall, supporting my head;

i tucked in my loosely hanging shirt;

morosely i lifted my droopy eyes, looked at;

folded my hands, and slapped the walls.

of course, i need to sleep, this being my desk;

the car drips of the day-long rains, cold cold;

of course, i need to go, i am way past dusk;

oh brother, give me the 3 minutes i just need.

very well then, i will not say, how much i miss it;

i am not just tired, tired and head down as well;

as the years come back again to me, my own;

i know what i do best, when i don't say much.

i watched the clown, performing the usual gag;

he walked away once they stopped laughing at the gag;

i felt happy that he still made us laugh, though tired;

i am nothing compared to him, why i crib about being tired.

i think of it with goose-bumps, humbled so much;

then i know, where he stood when the world laughed;

the tired smile, is nothing compared to the pained smile;

the tired smile, is what teaches me to say, 'alrite, here goes!'

closing my eyes, i rest against the wall, looking askew;

winking at her, i think of the clown, gag and the smile.

promise me

promise me, you won't rip me like all do,
and make me ponder the phase, like all do;
as i see them passing and behaving the same
promise me, you'll rise a notch above them.

promise me, when i dim the lights to a minimum,
and sit on the floor, leaning on the walls;
with hands and sideway cheeks on my knees,
promise me, you will give me a smile in thoughts.

promise me, you won't leave me stranded,
else, i'll never desert you, in your thought;
and if i ever lean my head away from it,
promise me, you'll give me your shoulder again.

promise me, you'll understand, i am wrong,
i don't say a word, i say a lot of words;
when all i muster is a look upward, move on;
promise me, you'll understand, fresh i begin.

promise me, when my quietness chases me,
when the doves cry, and you know i try;
when you don't feel like being sad, but are;
promise me, you realize i know being there.

promise me, when i am left behind, for not looking up;
and they move away, rudeness wins for quiet and shy;
and i fail to explain every time, hence they pass me,
promise me, you won't say, i don't have the energy.

promise me, when there is a drop of tear, so much me;
for all your tears i changed to smiles unknowingly;
and the good and bad, that came in knowing me;
promise me, you'll own this one, and dry my cheeks.

promise me, when all the mocking and noise dies;
and my delusion and epiphanies, come to an end;
and my useless ramblings say, 'let go of me';
promise me, nothing changes between you and me.

promise me, when i don't think of breaking;
promise me, there is nothing to think about;
promise me, you'll shrug the void, the silence builds;
promise me, for i forget every day, how much i remember you.