The Greeting Card

As WC Fields paraphrases, “Reminds me of my Safari in Africa. For several days, we had to live on nothing but Food and Water… just because someone forgot the corkscrew.”

Jack had a rough time for a few days in 2 years, when he dared to forget her birthday. James never understood how that reigned as the most important event in a girl’s mind, the fact that a man must remember some important days. And some could include her birthday, wedding day, and the day when your mother-in-law grew the wisdom tooth, the puppy day, Winnie the pooh day, Winnie’s t-shirt’s first laundry day, first date, last date and all dates in between. Standing in the greetings card shop, James had the thoughts whirling in his head.

Jack and James started out as college mates. And this was the eighth year of their friendship. Jack was looking annoyed, since a scan for forty minutes hardly yielded a card, even close to something he was looking for. And James’ mockery was pissing him off. “Boss, the day you tie the knot, all these will boomerang on you”, said Jack in a frowning tone. James balked, shrugged and gave his characteristic smile. The smile was absolutely reminiscent of a magician who will take care of such instances without any hassles. Jack knew that James had joined the elite band of once optimistic men, who thought they would retain control of their lives even after finding the institution. Jack was one of them.

James was staring at a particular section of cards for a long time. He noticed that, at this pace, Jack would end up selecting a card the next day.

“You aren’t getting anywhere, quarry man.” said James on his friend’s diligence. “All you will end up with is a set of blank cards with varied designs”. “And why would the card companies do that?” asked Jack.

“Because they don’t have any more phrases and sweet candy words for relationships, which have grown complicated over the years. It is almost like playing cupid has deprived them of half their employee base, who don’t know what to think more. They may probably give up on text and leave it to the grabber.” “Give us the bucks, take the designed paper and you write what you want. We give up.”

Finally James plucked out a couple of random cards and handed it to Jack. “Just get on with it. Hand picking isn’t taking us far, snail boy. And these have all the things that would get out a ‘So cute….’ from a girl.” Jack went through both of them, gave a wry smile for one of them and snapped the other back to James. Jack then pretended to browse through some more cards, and finally decided to start moving to the checkout counter.

At that time, Jack got a ring on his cell, and just answered to her that he would be late from work. Not wanting her to know, what he was up to. James grabbed the souvenirs and asked Jack to meet him outside. James finished the card work with his card, and met Jack outside with his racing engine. Jack was wondering why James was looking disinterested all through.

The first page had beautiful Marigold, Lily, Daisies and Jasmines spread and accompanied by an angel. The message followed, “Let the most beautiful person in this world with a soul hold the most beautiful thing in this world without a soul. What’s the earth with all its Art, verse, Music, worth- Compared with love found, gained and kept? Happy Birthday, my Angel!” The page also bore a candle-light dinner with a bottle of Guinness. “So cute it is…..” She was overwhelmed at probably 3 things. First that Jack actually remembered the day, and he could actually pretend to hide it and lastly he had the sense to pick up a good card. Jack was happy to see her happy and looked at James on her words. James looked upwards averting Jack.

Jack stepped inside for quickly freshening up. Meanwhile, James was toddling towards her, and she was wondering why he had nothing in his hands. “Good evening, empress”, said James. She knew that the word was his way of addressing her as a ‘Princess’ and ‘Emperor’ or a Dictator put together. “So weren’t you aware of Jack’s pretence?” That was her way of asking why he was empty-handed. “Got that question, senorita”, said James with a glint.

James snapped back a card from behind his shirt, taking her by surprise. It had a picture of a “Glass filled with Guinness”, accompanied by pores using which you could hold the glass. The other side read, “No cakes, no flowers and no angels. Be it Sunshine or Snowfall, I have got just one thing to offer to myself and you on all occasions, the Beer. Happy Birthday!”

She laughed at it, and knew that, that was the last card a girl would like. But the only card, someone like James would pick up. All this while, Jack was standing beside them, observing this. He shook his head, and said “The name is James”. He was always like this. He also knew that, these were the exact two cards that James had plucked out randomly. After all, they were not so random.

She interrupted, “And where is the real Dinner and Guinness pack?” “Tonight”, said Jack.
James picked up his overcoat and left saying, “Have a great time, R&J”. They knew he was always the snappy one-liner guy.

Same Ride, Two Sides

This was my story back home, when I was in India. I wrote it at that time.

"It takes 1 and 1/2 hours for me on an average day to reach home from office. The reduced congestion in the morning means I am mobile for half an hour less or so. The evening trip [early night trip I should say] can stretch to 2 hrs sometimes for no reason. My friend who works in Pune and returns to Bombay on every weekend often jokes that he reaches Pune earlier.....

So what's the point here? Well my trip is a mix of train and bus. [Its just comfortable that way..] I will talk about the train travelling someday later. This blog is for the vehicle which runs twice as fast when we are after it than when we are in it... Yes the Bus. Usually my Bus takes 1 hour 15 mins in the worst case to reach my house. [No doubts, I stay in the same city as my office] I board it at the first stop and alight at the 3rd last stop or so.. Arguably, the bus has to be empty on both the occasions.. But that is not the case. [You see my favourite law ... Murphy's... has to come in] But in Bombay, a couple of places can hold as much people as in some countries put together.. So even at the departure stop, you will find people twice in capacity ready to pounce. [Thats a different issue that a man trying to act smart by just randomly trying to catch the bus first, breaking the queue, is risking his life....You see Mob attack is catastrophic ]

So when I get in, I add to the standee list. [How man realizes that keeping our seat in a seat is so comfortable.. rather than standing] The temperature and humidity doesn't help at all. To add to that, the bag that you carry has to be clumsy to handle in a crowd. [No bag has yet been invented to make us feel comfortable in a crowd] The moment you feel you are cozily affixed to one safe slot in the bus, leaning with support.. the conductor will ask you to move ahead or more people will pound into the bus. [Murphy rules..] Then starts the roller coaster ride, for an hour and quarter, which when drawn an analogy could result in LIFE being documented. You get all the ingredients. The worst part is all through the journey, all but for the man beside me, get down yielding places to others who board the bus way after me.. The journey so far is very optimistic since I have not dropped any change in the crowd..To add to that people can really stamp their authority. The solacing factor is that every standee is undergoing the same..[How we feel happy and avenged when someone suffers the same ..] It seems the flow of air has been stopped and people have forgotten their deos and perfumes. The lady ahead is too trapped to respond to her helpless fiancee.. And finally my stop comes. The icing is when I have to hint continously to the driver that I have to get down here.. [Its an insult if he stops the bus smoothly for 1 person..] I realize, any slowness and he threatens to accelerate. I just jump down..And the same bus goes past me whizzing emptily. And I dont want to experience this the next day too..

So thats the crowded part of it. Now if I happen to miss a bus while returning back to home, then my compensation is being ahead in the queue to catch the next bus. Hurray..That means I get a window seat.[Yes, every Human being feels happy when he gets a window seat, just that a kid will express the joy...] It doesnt matter to me if the remaining world explodes into the bus. I am comfortably tuned into my songs oblivious to all around me. The temperature and humidity are hidden by the free flowing wind. All of a sudden, life is smooth. There is beautiful music to my ears. I am enjoying the journey. I fail to notice the standees..[I know there will be a role-reversal the next day itself..] People sitting are amazingly in a good mood. The lady seated ahead seems to enjoy the jokes of her bald fiancee. [Though she would have loved to date some more Hair with the person under it..] Nevertheless, he looked way better than me. The same ambience and moments feel so different.. Standing on your feet is seriously difficult. By the time I get down, there is total relaxation and suddenly its a better place.

As I get down the bus whizzes past me and I bid adieu to a good leveller.. Life too is not so different..."